Who would have guessed that two mutt-loving girls from everyone's favorite organization (PeTA for those too annoyed to read the sign) would looovvve to pay huge fines and spend some time in jail in the middle of a snowy February because they wanted to "attend" the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

Now wait a minute ladies. I see where you are trying to make this stretch of an argument, but if you had paid just the slightest bit of attention to your surroundings, you would have noticed that these people spend more time and money on their dogs' hair, nails, hygiene and medical needs than they do on their own. I guarantee their dogs' diets are expensive, regimented and ten times healthier than anything they would ever care to eat. And most obvious? Why can't you see that these people love their dogs more than they love their own children! Children are animals too! You focus on the diminishing chances of shelter dogs? Shelter dogs?! Like these people would ever own a shelter dog. Why are you not out on that floor fighting for the rights of every Kennel Club dog owner with a neglected child! Money! Does not! Buy love!!!

All in jest, of course, all in jest, but what a dumb thing to do, girls. How about you spend some time and money not protesting, not paying fines and not making people hate you for silly reasons and do something productive. What, you ask? I don't know, cooking classes. Look at Rachael Ray! She has her own dog food brand now. I'm sure it's very healthy for dogs. I bet even shelter dogs could eat it.

And please, please don't get me wrong. Dogs are great. My dog was the coolest animal ever and I frickin' loved him. I mean heck, he used to dance around to Van Morrison ("Glad Tidings" was his jam) with me when I came home from school. What more could you want from a dog - or a human for that matter?

So as Forrest Gump would say, "And that's all I have to say about that."