Two things to preface:

1) I'm not quite sure how I feel about marriage. Ideas of love and trust say yes, experience says *cue headshake and an "Are you ____ kidding me?" brow furrow*

2) I never had quite the driving force I do now about said concept, but that being noted, I've never even come close to being in a relationship that would warrant such talks. Regardless of how long I've kept this under my hat, it seems that TIME has beat me to the punch. Haha and no, that was not intended as a play on words.

Back in July, TIME Magazine's cover story read, "Unfaithfully Yours: Infidelity is eroding our most sacred institution. How to make marriage matter again." Cover art? A white wedding cake with the bride and groom figurines sinking into the decorated confection under the iconic TIME flag written in ... pink?? Ughhhh.

Flipping to the center of the publication, you were slammed in the face with a giant full-page engagement ring (partial band, prong-setting and stone re-photographed by yours truly above), the text reading, "Why Marriage Matters: Buffeted by affairs and ennui, the intact two-parent family is under assault. What America needs to get over its commitment issues. (Hint: it isn't love)"

While the article went on to be dully written with no intention whatsoever to expand/answer the title questions (while pointing out the affairs of various politicians), I got to thinking. The valid point that the author did end up making was that if traditional marriage disappears, so do traditional families ---> so do traditional values ---> so do traditional societies.

Ok, maybe that's a bit drastic, but it's food for thought.

As mentioned previously, at the old age of 23, I am still uncertain of my thoughts on it, but when your friends around you start saying the "E" word and the "M" word, I can't help but try to understand each individual perspective of what being married means to them. Is it a symbol? A fairytale? A goal? A terrible idea? All of the above?

I'm not here to answer these questions either, but my most recent case-study, has less to do with the act of tying these knots, than the road to leading up to "the plunge". Well that and in accordance with the article, proof that we're not helping this idiotic cultural (generational??) "commitment" issue. Scenario: Ted and Jody* have been dating since freshmen year of college. Ted is a brillant, adorable, hilarious dude and Jody is a beautiful, smart, funny girl. For the first three years, different hometowns make summers hard, but the two always manage to have love for one another prevail in the end. Next. Ted ends up cheating on Jody their last year of college. However, realizing that Jody is the one that he wants, the one he wants to "M" word, he apologizes and Jody forgives him. Resume dating.

College ends. Jobs take Ted and Jody to different places. Far, but doable far. Things are good, visits are infrequent, but they happen. As it turns out, Ted can't, for the life of him, keep it in his pants. So why not break up with Jody? Simple, because he wants to "M" word her, this he knows (What?!?! Ew.). He also knows that Jody loves him, regardless of all the toolish, I mean foolish, things he might do.

Tom-foolery. Tom-foolery, I say. Ok, ok, so he's a guy with the inherent stupid gene running ever rampant. Good excuse, no, but valid? If you really love the dude regardless of how he feels about you "at the moment", for the first 10 times, sure. Valid. (Dear Feminists, This is just an opinion, Love, Alli.)

My 4th most basic question (after, "Who do you think you are?," "Why would you do this to her?" and "Have you no brain, heart, courage?**) to this sporadically lovable gentleman, of course, is WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?? The friends who are supposed to say, "You idiot. She's the best thing that has ever happened to you and you're jeopardizing it with this girl that you think is 'fun'? Jody is wonderful and you're a dick! She deserves someone, something so much better than this, but she loves you and you know it. And it's sad, but the problem here is that you know it. You know that she would do anything for you no matter how much of a cowardly, selfish piece of shit you are being.*** Etc., etc., etc."

Where are these friends who are supposed to kick Ted on his ass and remind him that he's a way better person than his behavior might show? The friends who make him remember that he DOES love her and it's about time he proves/shows it to her? Forget Ted's balls for a minute, but where are their balls?

Maybe the center of what's important in a friendship has changed, I don't know. It seems though that in certain circles of friends, as long as the bodies together in the same room are having a good time, who cares about any part of the equation who's not present and accounted for.

And folks as I'm sure many of you know, this story is nothing new. The dude who wants what he wants when he wants it. It's so unoriginal that when these guys think they are doing something special and independent, it's almost laughable. Because the truth of the matter is that it's way more difficult to love someone than it is to be on your own. That's the basis of why TIME Magazine has to write these silly articles. Because it's hard to chart your direction and destination with someone else's map. With that difficulty though, you always are creating, growing, building over time, a strong, layered relationship so unique to two people that it's the one thing you could never do alone - and that takes guts.

Why is that notion not awesome**** to these people?

Anyway, TIME put on paper an idea that I've been nursing for a very long time now. While it didn't exactly go in an enlightening direction, it got me to putting some of my own surface thoughts in cyberspace. Why does my opinion matter, you may ask? Well, it doesn't really, but I knew this was going to be a lengthy piece and I just got a new keyboard iSkin and my unbelieveably tactile self just wants to keep pushing keys. So there you have it.



*Names may have been changed to protect both the innocent and not-so-innocent.

**Have you never seen The Wizard of Oz? Duh, Dorothy needed all of those to realize that she had what she wanted the WHOLE TIME.

***Note: not "you are"/ I hope you liked my imaginary guy-to-guy monologue, haaaha.

****Awe: an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sumblime, or extremely powerful.